My Brother Bryan

It's been 13 years. And I still hate that I didn't stay on the phone with you that Friday morning. We had already talked earlier but you called me back; for some reason. I have no idea why. My boss was standing over my desk so I told you that I had to let you go. You told me to call you when I got out of work. I didn't call right after work because I had to go to the hospital. The baby hadn't moved all day and the doctor wanted to do an ultrasound. The baby was fine.

So I went home and fed Molly and bathed her and read to her and put her to sleep. Then I called you. In fact, I think I tried calling you twice. I hung up the first time and then left a message the 2nd time. It was around 9:00 pm. Then I went to bed. I was pretty exhausted. The baby was a week over due and I was still working full time and running after Molly the rest of the time.

Then Mom was calling. She wanted me to come over the house. When I asked her why she said she wanted me to bring her car over to her (I was using her car that night because you still had mine and she didn't feel like driving me home after the hospital visit). Of course, it didn't make sense that she would want the car at 10:30 in the evening so I finally got her to tell me what was wrong. I started to cry and then said out loud "ok. I can't think about this right now. Did you call Dad?". She said yes and we hung up. I called Dad. He didn't say anything and neither did I. I told him I'd meet him at Mom's house. Then I called my husband at work. His supervisor answered . He was excited and asked if I was having the baby. I replied no but it was really important that I talk with Duane. He said he'd be right home. Then I called my best friend since 6th grade. She asked me if I was having the baby.

By the time I got to my mother's house my father was there and a few close family friends were pulling in at the same time. My aunt and uncle were there. I hugged everyone and then put Molly back to bed. My mom gave me the details that she knew so far. My sister had not called back yet. So I grabbed the phone and went into my mother's bedroom. I started trying to call my sister and left messages with every friend of hers that I knew. It was 11:00 on a Friday night. She was only 21 and probably wouldn't be around for hours yet. So I called the airlines and got a flight for the next morning for her to get home. I then called so many police numbers. I kept getting connected to 911 in the Rochester area instead of the getting to the police station. Finally, I was able to talk with an officer that was at the scene. He said there was hunting gear in the car. His thought was that he may have fallen asleep after hunting. The car went off the road and hit a telephone pole. He hadn't been wearing his seatbelt (I still don't understand this...he was the one that got me into the habit of always using one). He was thrown from the car and died instantly. I asked the officer if he thought alcohol was a factor. He said he didn't think so. I still wonder if he was just easing my mind.

And I still wonder what you wanted to tell me when you called me back that morning. It's the one thing in my life I would take back if I could. I wouldn't have hung up that phone.