The Year in Review

I can hardly believe today is the last day of 2008. Looking back, it's been a year of so many accomplishments, which is good. Yet, I am glad it is coming to an end. I'm looking forward to the New Year and what it has to offer.

The first few months of 2008 were pretty fun and exciting and also pretty busy. The kids and I went to our first ever Bruins Game. We went to a Rascal Flats/Kellie Pickler concert. Hockey was in full swing and I was very involved with volunteer work for hockey. Which, when combined with working 30 hours a week and going to school full time, made for some pretty long days. I was on autopilot, plowing through everything I needed to do each day, one priority after another.

The next few months marked the end of hockey and school. The end of every hockey season is always so bittersweet. By April, everyone is soooo ready for it to just end. Yet, it is so sad too because you know that the team and the group of parents that you bonded with over the past 6 months will never be again. Not like it was. But then we quickly moved into lacrosse and hockey was just a memory. The end of school was just plain torcher. I had one paper after another to finish up and I had to work so many late nights/early mornings after the kids went to sleep to get everything done. I had hoped to graduate in May and walk with the class but because I hadn't been sure if I would finish on time, I never applied for graduation, so I wasn't able to graduate. Until August. Which is an accomplishment that should be noted but it was kind of different than graduating in May and walking the walk. I'll be doing that this May and I am sure it will be a very proud moment for me, and the kids, and my parents.

With the end of school and hockey, I finally found the time to start working on the house. The attic needed clearing out and the yard needed tons of work and I needed to figure out the sleeping arrangements. A two bedroom house with three kids just wasn't working. But it had to work so we had to figure out something. I designated one room to be Molly's and it took so much work and so much time but we finally ended up with a room that she loves.

I have never been one to get stressed about money. Finances have always been tight for me but by September, things were really getting scary. I was in danger of losing the house, the truck and my sanity. I took a hard look at everything, weighed out all my options, and then called my contact at the bank to let him know my thoughts. Luckily, this was right before the big financial crisis and even luckier, they worked with me to help me refinance and get me back on track. And now, even though I still don't have enough to make ends meet, at least we have a roof over our heads and transportation. Everything else will fall into place. It always does.

The reason things always fall into place for me, eventually, is because of the people that surround me. I have the best parents and the best group of friends and neighbors that anyone could ever wish for.

So I end 2008 with so many thanks to the neighbors that helped me with the yard when my mower was broke, to the hockey families that have always taken such good care of the kids and I, to my professors who worked with me and my situation, to my best friend of 25 years who answers that phone every time I call with yet another drama and yet more tears, to JAG who gave me so much this year and opened my eyes to what I want in the future, to my friends and parents, and to my kids, who no matter how much they may give me the business are really really good people. Thank you all so much.

Classic Ry

Rylee has always been very independent. She weaned herself from my breast, she potty trained herself, she has dressed herself for a couple of years now, she puts her own diaper on at night before bed, she picks out her own clothes, and she picks up after herself. About the only thing she needs me for is to wipe her bum after a bowel movement.

So I was a little surprised last night when she yelled to me from the bathroom. The conversation went like this:

RY: Mom, can you wipe me?

MOM (surprised since we had just done this an hour ago): Why did you poop?

RY: No. I just don't want to have to wash my hands after.

MOM: Rylee, you can wipe yourself and then wash your hands. (Hmmm, I wonder why she's so independent?)

A few minutes later Rylee emerges from the hallway asking if I can buckle her belt. Something was fishy. I looked her in the eye and asked if she washed her hand. She looked me right in the eye and said "No, I didn't wipe."

So I guess I can now add Reasoning to her list of skills.

Then we had a talk about bladder infections and germs in the bathroom. I think she'll be washing her hands AND wiping every time now.

You Go Girl: Part 2

Molly earned another Defensive Player of the Game nod on Saturday. Her and Cody were playing defense partners and she was awesome. Cody got knocked out the game midway through the first period and Molly had to really step up. Because of back to back penalties by the other two D, she spent all but 2 minutes of the 2nd period on the ice. She was amazing. The best game she has had all year! She had one play where she stopped a puck with her hand, dropping down to her stick, moving it up the ice, and then passing it right to the end of Jake's stick where he skated it in for a goal. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

It Was Wonderful

Christmas that is. I wasn't sure how it would all pan out but it turned into a really special day for ALL of us. The kids were so pleased with what they received, dinner was absolutely delicious, and the company was awesome. From Christmas Eve brunch to Christmas Evening, it was just wonderful to spend the time with friends and family.

At the end of the day, as we were getting dropped off back home, the two older kids thanked my mother and said it was a great day. And I could tell in their voices that they meant it. I was filled with so much pride. They have learned that the spirit of Christmas is more about those that you love and the giving to others, rather than that what you receive.

She Looks Familiar to Me

I saw a woman at the gym this morning. I know I know her but she seems different. If you look closely at her face, you can see an outline of what the shape of her face is supposed to be. You can barely see the two cheekbones that used to become perfectly round when she laughed. Her eyes, which used to sparkle all the time, now look so sad. The extra fat in her eyelids has changed the shape of eyes almost making her look Asian. The fire in her belly looks as though it has been extinguished with pounds of chocolate, cheese, and chips with dip. Her once thick but athletic thighs are now dimpled, even on the front.

But she's here. At the gym. On the treadmill: sometimes running sometimes walking. In spinning class: sometimes with lots of tension sometimes with no tension. Doing nautilus. Adding weight and reps each week. And you can see a speck of the confidence that she once had so abundantly. A confidence that she knows, without a doubt, that she will be able to shed the extra 50 pounds she has packed on this past year. A year of many accomplishments but so much turmoil. A year of emotional growth and an awakening to the limitations of others, no matter how much friendship, insight, and especially forgiveness she has provided. A year that is thankfully ready to become history.

So my thoughts are with her today, hoping that she has a Merry Christmas, but especially hoping that everything falls into place for her in 2009.

And then I remember....

I have always loved living in this little nook of the world. I grew up in a town of about 800 people with one school, two churches, two general stores, no cable television, and plenty of woods to explore. In the winter, every Saturday and Sunday was spent at the little ski area up the hill where our parents would drop off us at 8:00 and pick us up at 5:00. We would be out in the snow, skiing or lounging on one of the trails, all day long. After we got home, my brother and I would collapse in front of the wood stove and let the intense heat warm our bodies, releasing the chill from our bones. Most of the time, my parents would let us have our dinner right there, camped around that little stove.

During the summer months we would grab our bikes and ride into town, the number of kids increasing along the way, where a large group of us would hang out at the school or cool off at the swimming hole on The Lane. Sometimes there would be a pool party at Justin's or Joey's and we'd all push each other in and laugh and have fun.

Springtime was for mudding. The guys would ride their dirt bikes or 3 wheelers and I would ride my pony and we'd make our way through the woods, following the trail right to the sandbanks. There we would take turns plowing through deep puddles of mud and climbing the steepest sand banks. I remember being saved by Raymond once when the 3 wheeler I was on stalled right after I got the front tire up and over the top edge of the hill. He must have seen the look of fear on my face because he quickly grabbed the handle bar and pulled me, and the 3 wheeler up to safety.

Fall brought the hunting season where opening day often led to a case of "buck fever". This meant that many teachers and students would be noticeably absent. I remember having a bet with Mr. T, the science/gym teacher, over which one of us would get the biggest deer. I can't remember if he got one but I know that I did not.

Not all the kids in school played sports but a good chunk of us did. The soccer and softball teams were co-ed because of such low numbers but we did have two separate basketball teams. We would pile, literally since there were no seatbelt laws back then, into trucks, blazers and jeeps and we would travel to our games where we would cheer each other on, sometimes a little too loudly. Our teachers were our coaches and our parents were our drivers. And it all worked. It worked really really well.

I started this post with the intention of writing about how difficult it is to live around here sometimes. Jobs can be scarce, meeting new people can be difficult (since you either know them or know someone who does), shopping locally can be quite challenging (I went to three stores yesterday and struck out every time), and most importantly, getting a Raspberry Martguerita on a Monday night is impossible. That was how I was feeling last night. But this morning, as I was driving Molly to her orthodontist appointment, I looked up at Mt. Greylock and it was beautiful. And on the way home from her appointment, I had a different view from a different town and it was even more beautiful. And then I remember......how much I love living in this nook of the world.

At Her Best

A conversation while I am picking up around the house and Rylee is finishing up breakfast.

Mom: Ry, please get your shoes on so we can get going this morning.

Ry: I don't have socks on yet.

Mom: Well please get your socks on so we can get going this morning.

Ry: Can I tell you my idea?

Mom: Sure, what is your idea.

Ry: You get my shoes and socks so I can put them on so we can get going this morning.

Mom (laughing): What a great idea, for you! OK but can you brush your hair while I get your shoes and socks so you can put them on so we can get going this morning?

Ry: Yes.

Ry: You know what?

Mom: What?

Ry: I look great with my hair down.

I love the conniving skills and the confidence she has!

You Go Girl!

One of our defensive players was suspended for a game so Sunday he had to watch instead of play. The coach, for some reason, decided to put Molly in his place on the back line. I was nervous for her. One of the first plays she got hit after she dumped the puck and she went straight back, all the way to the ice. But she got right up and played well the rest of the game.

A few times she even stole the puck away, once lifting the other players stick up and then swiping it right from underneath him. She made some great passes, right to the sticks of her teammates. She made some great stops, keeping the puck in the zone. It was fun to watch. And she had fun playing it.

And best of all, she was named Defensive Player of the Game. Here's the coach's writeup about her Molly "Hey, I really CAN play Defense" was solid!!! Breaking up 2 on 1's, 3 on 1's, even a couple of 2 on 0's!!! She earned a unanimous Defensive Player of the Game!!!

So So Sweet

The kids and I did not have to rush out the door for school, daycare, hockey, gymnastics, or a doctor's appointment this morning. There was no reason to hop out of bed and get the day started. I didn't even set the alarm clock last night.

As I started the lazy process of waking up on my own, I glanced at Rylee and saw that she was laying beside me, awake but relaxed. She must have sensed how rare and awesome this morning was going to be. I closed my eyes and let myself drift in and out of sleep a little while longer.

Soon I felt a fingertip lightly lift some hair off my forehead and tuck it behind my ear. Then I felt a couple of fingertips slowly and softly rub my cheek, up and down a few times. A second later I could feel her breath close to my face as she kissed my forehead.

A second later I hear a light whisper "I love you Mommy".

So so sweet. A morning I will treasure forever.

Dora Memory: Good for Both of Us

I had Molly when I was 25. I had Cody when I was 26. I had Rylee when I was 35. So many times people ask, besides the obvious "what were you thinking?!", if I was more relaxed and enjoyed motherhood more as a 35 year old than a 25 year old. The truth is....NO. I have always been a pretty relaxed, don't get stressed about the house or lack of money and enjoy the kids kind of mom. When I get those sappy emails that remind us of what life is really all about, I feel like they could be describing me.

That's not to say I don't have days where I could send them all to the moon and live happily ever after, but for the most part, I haven't found being an older mom to be that much different. Until yesterday.

Rylee received Dora Memory for her birthday on Sunday. As she was popping out the cards from the cardboard frame, I reviewed the directions (I don't know why, I am just quirky like that sometimes). I decided that we would only play with half the cards since this was her first time playing and I didn't want to overwhelm her.

I quickly learned how it would go. It would go something like this: Rylee finds a match, Shelley does not, Rylee finds a match, Shelley does not, Rylee finds a match, Shelley does not and Rylee does this Ha Ha shaking of the shoulders tease. She was so good! And I was so bad! It was literally to the point that when I flipped over a card, I would watch her reaction to see where the match was. I am not kidding! By the end of the game she had 14 matches and I had 10.

So YES, being an "older mom" is much different. You see, I need to play Dora Memory just to get my brain back in shape!!!

Wordless Wednesday: Miss Rylee turns Four

Hockey Dilemma

The girls' team that Molly plays on is playing a top ranked U14 team tomorrow morning. The team is undefeated and is ranked number one in New England. Both coaches have emailed to make certain she is playing for the girls team rather than the team she plays with full time, which is the boys' team (we are so creative aren't we?).

She is playing with the girls. That was our deal at the beginning of the season. The girls team would be priority. The only reason she is on a boys' team is because it is the only way for her to play full time hockey, locally.

My dilemma isn't which team she should play for though. My dilemma is which game to go watch. A few weeks ago, she had a home game with the girls' team and Cody had an away game (read 1 hour drive each way). Figuring a conflict of games wouldn't happen too often with the girls' team playing so few games, I chose to stay home and watch her game and I sent Cody off to his game with one of the coaches. Cody, jokingly (I think) said "sure watch her game and not mine" to which I replied "well next time I'll go to your game".

Well that "next" time has come. His game is in Springfield tomorrow at 11:45 and her game is local at 9:30. I want to go to his game and I want to go early because the PeeWee team from our league is playing right before us and I haven't been able to catch many of their games this year. But now I find out how competitive Molly's game is and I want to go see her. She plays her best game when she is under pressure. She doesn't feel that pressure when she plays with the boys.

Ugghhhhhhh......such dilemma.

Update: I went to both games, leaving Molly's a few minutes early and getting Cody to his game just in the nick of time. She did great and even though they lost 5-0, the game went really well.

Mind over Matter....

That is my new plan. I haven't posted in a while because I have not been feeling well and haven't had the extra energy for anything more than the priorities each day ---- getting the kids off to school & daycare, going to work, picking up the kids, bringing them to hockey & gymnastics and of course feeding them and keeping up with the dishes and the laundry. All while trying to ignore the cramp in my left side, the tightness in my chest, the acid reflux traveling up and down my esophagus and the sinus headaches I get every change of season. Which happens every other day where I live.

I have had three prescriptions, a CT scan, an ultrasound, and still...nothing conclusive. Just me being overly sensitive and a baby. But sometimes I want to be a baby!!! I want to not worry about anything or anyone and I want to crawl into bed and pull the blanket over my head and stay there until I feel better. Really better. But I can't. Not an option.

So when I woke up today, I decided that I was going to just ignore the pain and blah feelings and not look in the mirror where I see the toll life has taken. I am going to feel like myself today. I am going to be funny and witty and confident and I am going to enjoy every little bump in the road. Mind over Matter.

I went downstairs to change the laundry around and stepped in water because the sump pump isn't working again. So I fixed that. Then I went over to the dryer to take out the clothes but they were still went and the dryer didn't turn back on. So I fixed that. Then I went upstairs to get Ry in the shower and the water never got hot...just luke warm.

Screw Mind over Matter. I tried.