Wordless Wednesday: Hopes, Dreams & "Yeah Rights"

A log cabin in the woods


A month long trip to Alaska


Running a marathon




And having this body

The Goodnight Hour

Trying to get Rylee to sleep has become somewhat of a chore for me lately. Her negotiating, conniving, and procrastinating skills have really developed. What used to be a 10 minute bedtime ritual has quickly become a 60 minute bedtime ritual.

Random list of wants, needs, and demands in no particular order:

* Me asking her to brush her teeth
* Her telling me she doesn't want to do that now but tells me, with her finger pointing and hand on hip, that she will do it in the morning
* Me asking her to get her pajamas on
* Her telling me that it is too hot (yes even with the temp at 40 degrees) for pajamas
* Me asking her to lay down so I can put on her diaper
* Her telling me that she can do it ---- and she does ----- I really should video tape this one day
* Me asking her if she wants me to read her a book or if she wants to watch a movie
* Her telling me that she will read me a book and then we will watch a movie
* After the book OR the movie (yes I do occasionally win battles with a 3 year old), she throws fit which includes crying to the point of a coughing fit
* Her demanding water (I don't even try to win this battle)
* Her settling down
* Her asking (yes asking) me to sing her a song
* Me singing, if you want to call it that, her Hush Little Baby
* Her telling me to sing another song
* Me singing ABC's to her
* Her singing me Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
* Her starting to sing another song
* Me asking and then demanding that she stop

And then the routine circles back to her throwing a fit.

Ahhhhh, the joys.

The Sign Read: Will Work for Food

Times are tough for a lot of people in this country. Not a day goes by that someone doesn't talk about how hard it is to make ends meet. Health insurance, food costs, heating fuels and gas have so many of us struggling. Basic needs are not being met for so many.

Teachers' assistants in our schools get paid every two weeks. They work 30 hours a week. Their paycheck, for 60 hours of work, providing education and guidance to our children is a measly $8.00 after the cost of family health insurance is deducted. I read that in the paper the other day and I can't stop thinking about it.

Then today I saw something and I had no idea what to do but felt compelled to do something. A man was standing next to his bicycle with a cardboard sign that read "Will Work for Food". Now I don't live in a big city so this is not something you see very often, if ever, around here. The man had two medium sized bags that I am assuming hold all his belongings and sewn to one of the bags was a tiny American flag.

I instantly had tears in my eyes. I had no idea what to do. I wanted to stop and give him money, but I had none to give. I just spent the only money I had left, I put $10 worth of gas in my gas tank. Then I thought, well maybe he can mow my grass and I can give him some food. But I don't have too much in the fridge or the cupboards and I don't get paid until Friday to replenish. So I drove by him, I waved, and I sit here an hour or so later and hope that things somehow work out for him. And wonder what can be done.

Seven Years Ago Today - 9/11

When I got up this morning, the morning show I listen to was of course talking about 9/11. So naturally the kids and I starting reminiscing about that day. I wondered if they remembered any of it. Molly was in 3rd grade and she said she remembers her class and the 4th grade class all gathering into one room to watch the news. I don't remember her telling me that back then and I wondered if this was the first time I heard it. Cody was in 1st grade and he doesn't remember anything. That surprises me because he was glued to the television set over the course of the following week. He kept watching the footage and asking questions and re-creating the scene with paper Twin Towers that he built. He was absolutely mesmerized by the whole thing. One afternoon when it was just he & I in the car he asked me how old you have to be to go to war. I told him that you could be any age but that you have to be at least 18. After a few minutes of silence I questioned why he asked me that. His response put tears in my eyes "Cuz I'm real good with my gun".

Every person you speak to remembers what they were doing when they heard the horrific news or witnessed it live or on television. I had just started college the week prior to this and I was sitting in my Child Development class when some of the students were talking about what happened. My immediate response was that we would be going to war. Even without knowledge of the Pentagon hit, I never imagined that it was an accident, I immediately assumed it was an attack on us and that we would need to retaliate. And I was filled with an emptiness because of what war would mean. What it would mean to the soldiers and the millions of people that would be affected by it.

My next thoughts were of the people in New York. Later in the day, when I heard of the Pentagon hit, I thought of three very good friends who work in DC and then the dozen or so others that I knew from when I worked there in 1992. Right after Desert Storm. My friends, thankfully, were not hurt physically. Emotionally, for all of us is another story.

911, 9-11, 9/11 No matter how you see it or how you say it, those numbers will be forever etched in our minds.

Wordless Wednesday: My Brave Little Girl

Rylee has been wanting to get her ears pierced for over a year. I have been the chicken. She finally talked me into it on Sunday, after Max's football game.

My Old Friend

I had big plans for Saturday night. Our hockey league was having a local comedian perform as a fundraiser and I was looking forward to hanging out with many members of my "2nd family". It was something I had been looking forward to for over a month.

But by Saturday afternoon, I didn't feel much like going. I just felt kinda sluggish and gross. Not a good way to feel prior to a night out. So I visited an old friend. A friend I hadn't seen for more than once a week in over a month. A friend I really, really needed.

That friend was the gym! I needed a hard and sweaty workout. So I chose to run on the treadmill. I did pretty good too, considering. And I am happy to report that I had a great night. The comedian was so so funny and then we danced and laughed and laughed while we danced. It was awesome. And I am even happier to report that I have made the effort to regain my daily habit of starting the morning with a good workout.

My Affair with Country Music

Music was not a big part of my early childhood. I can't tell you what my parents' favorite songs or bands were (except that my mom loved Paul not John) and the only time they listened to the radio was on Saturday mornings so they could catch the Trading Post.

But I do remember that someone had given them a tape player. You know, an 8 track tape player. Do you remember those? Whoever gave it to them also gave them three tapes: Dolly Parton, Kenny Rodgers, and Queen. I remember my brother and I playing them over and over and over again. I could probably still sing along to any of the songs on those tapes. Dolly Parton had a really sad song about a girl dying and Kenny Rodgers had two songs that really stood out. One 'Don't take your love to town' was about an injured soldier coming home to his cheating wife and the other was Ruben James about a colored man that was discriminated against.

Those were my first memories of country music. A few years after high school, just before I was moving to D.C. my best friend and I started hanging around with some older redneck type guys and their families and all they listened to was country music. The night before my last day at work we partied all night over in New York and 'There's a Tear in My Beer' by Hank Williams kept playing on the juke box. I think of that night every time I hear that song or his name.

I never really listened to it again until 1991 or so when Garth Brooks was getting hot. A trip to South Dakota made me a country music fan and that was all I ever played on the radio (unlike my parents, I always have radios playing). Garth Brooks was my favorite. His 'Friends in Low Places' song played continuously. Here are some of the lyrics to it:

'Cause I've got friends in low places
Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases my blues away
And I'll be okay
I'm not big on social graces
Think I'll slip on down to the oasis
Oh, I've got friends in low places

I guess I was wrong
I just don't belong
But then, I've been there before
And everything is alright
I'll just say goodnight
And I'll show myself to the door
I didn't mean to cause a big scene
Just wait 'til I finish this glass
Then sweet little lady
I'll head back to the bar
And you can kiss my ass

Whenever I hear that song I think back to two specific instances in my life: 1. my brother, mother and I dancing arm and arm together and belting out the words at my wedding; and 2. my friend Bob playing one part over and over again so we could hear the sound of a beer can opening between one of the verses (he was right, but he would know).

I like country music because you can always understand what the words are that are being sung and you can always relate to the story somehow. When I was pregnant for Molly, my first child, tears would stream down my face every time I heard Tim McGraw's 'Don't Take the Girl'. This verse would put me over the edge

Same old boy
Same sweet girl
Five years down the road
There's gonna be a little one and she
says it's time to go.
Doctor says the baby's fine
but you'll have to leave
'Cause his momma's fading fast and
Johnny hit his knees and there he prayed
"Take the very breath you gave me.
Take the heart from my chest.
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me,
make this my last request.
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl"

Once, my sister, my co-worker/friend and I were driving into D.C. to go to work and this song came on. All three of us went silent and at the end of the song we burst into laughter when we looked at each other because all three of us were crying. Crying!

That is why I go through stages of when I can listen to country music and when I can't. If I have something sad going on in my life, I stay away from WGNA and all things country. It's just too hard to heal if you are surrounded by so much sadness. After my brother's death, it took me about 6 years before I could listen to it again. And then there were a whole new batch of artists and songs. Really funny songs like this one:

And I’m feedin’ the dog, sackin’ the trash

Its’ honey do this, honey do that

I sobered up and I got to thinkin’

Girl, you ain’t much fun since I quit drinkin’

And this one:

Well you know those times when you feel like
There's a sign there on your back
That says I don't mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can't get worse than that
And then they do

And songs that bring me back to high school weekends:

Every Friday night there's a steady cloud of dust
That leads back to a field filled with pickup trucks
Got old Hank cranking way up loud
Got coolers in the back
Tailgates down
There's a big fire burnin' but don't be alarmed
It's just country boys and girls gettin' down on the farm

And:

Well we grew up down by the railroad tracks
Shootin' b.b.'s at old beer cans
Chokin' on the smoke from a lucky strike
Somebody lifted off of his old man
We were football flunkies
Southern rock junkies
Crankin' up the stereo
Singin' loud and proud to gimme three steps
Simple Man, and Curtis Lowe
We were good you know

And songs that make you love more than you ever thought you could. Love for your country:

Now this nation that I love
Has fallen under attack
A mighty sucker punch came flying in
From somewhere in the back
Soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man, we lit up your world
Like the 4th of July

Hey Uncle Sam
Put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty
Started shaking her fist
And the eagle will fly
And there's gonna be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom
Start ringing her bell
And itll feel like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Ahhh Brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Love for your favorite hangout:

We got winners, we got losers
Chain smokers and boozers
And we got yuppies, we got bikers
We got thirsty hitchhikers
And the girls next door dress up like movie stars

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar

Love for the things in your life:

Just the other night at a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

And the love for the one that amazes you or the one that you amaze:

Every Time Our Eyes Meet,
There Is A Feelin Inside Me
It’s Almost More Than I Can Take
Baby When You Touch Me
I Can Feel How Much You Love Me
And It Just Blows Me Away
I’ve Never Been This Close To Anyone
Or Anything
I Can Hear your Thoughts, I Can See Your Dreams

I Dunno How You Do What You Do
I’m So In Love With You
It Just Keeps Getting Better
I Wanna Spend The Rest Of My life
With You By My Side
For Ever and Ever
Every Little Thing That You Do
Baby I’m Amazed By You

And then there are the songs that seem to be written, some say, with you in mind (me feigning innocence here):

She said I'm going out with my girlfriends
Margaritas at the Holiday Inn
Oh have mercy my only thought
Was tequila makes her clothes fall off
I told her put an extra layer on
I know what happens when she drinks Patron
Her closets missing half the things she bought
Yeah tequila makes her clothes fall off

She'll start by kicking out of her shoes
Lose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink
Them panty hose ain't gonna last too long
If the DJ puts Bon Jovi on
She might come home in a tablecloth
Yeah tequila makes her clothes fall off

She can handle any champagne brunch
A bridal shower with Bacardi punch
Jello shooters full of Smirnoff
But tequila makes her clothes fall off

After Rylee's dad and I broke up last year, I once again stopped listening to country music. That was right about the time that the kids started liking their own genre of music and so I came to know and like the popular music of today. Rihanna, Nickelback, Pink, etc. It's fun and light and easy to move along to. Every once in while, when the kids weren't hogging the radio station, or when the station wasn't coming in clearly, I would hit # 4 on my radio to see what was playing on WGNA. It was always something like this:

He said: "Just think it over, and write me a list,
"So we can figure out what we both deserve."
She hardly could believe it, that their love had come to this:
Dividing an' deciding his and hers.
But she grabbed a paper napkin, an' asked the waitress for a pen.
An' one by one, she wrote down what she wanted most from him.

She reached across the table an' placed it in his hand,
An' said: "You know this isn't easy for me."
As he thought about the new car, the house an' the land,
An' wondered what that bottom line would be.
An' a thousand other things that she'd want him to leave behind,
But he never dreamed he'd open up that napkin and find

"Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust.
"A little less time for the rest of the world,
"And more for the two of us.
"Kisses each mornin', 'I love you's' at night,
"Just like it used to be.
"The way life was when you were in love with me."

That quickly had me switching back. I just wasn't ready yet.

Yet.

But I discovered something recently.

I discovered that I am ready now. Not just a little ready, but really ready. Ready to listen to country music again.

And this is the song that brought me back:

The declaration of independence
Think I can tell you that first sentence
But then I'm lost
I can't begin to count the theories
I had pounded in my head that I forgot
I don't remember all that spanish
Or the gettysburg address
But there is one speech from high school
I'll never forgot

Come on in boy, sit on down
And tell me 'bout yourself
So you like my daughter, do you now
Yeah we think she's something else
She's her daddy's girl and her mama's world
She deserves respect, that's what she'll get, ain't it son
Now y'all run along and have some fun
I'll see you when you get back
Bet I'll be up all night
Still cleaning this gun

Well now that I'm a father
I'm scared to death one day my daughter's gonna find
That teenage boy I used to be
Who seems to have just one thing on his mind
She's growing up so fast it won't be long
'fore I'll have to put the fear of god
Into some kid at the door

It just cracked me up. I love it.

The problem is, now there may be some fighting over the radio. But I can handle that too!

Former 90210 Junkie

I will admit that Beverly Hills 90120 was must-see TV for me during its run many years ago. It was like sweet pain for me. I would have to see it, week after week, year after year, but then while watching I would beat myself up for wasting my time. The acting was always horrendous, the chemistry between characters was laughable, and Andrea was always called Aundrea which drove me crazy. And what was up with the characters...Brenda overreacted (and overacted) everything, Donna was supposedly a virgin but after her real-life implants she wore the sluttiest outfits, Dylan's head was always tilted to one side which made me want to slap it back into place, Kelly was the worst friend you could ever have, and Andrea just plain irritated me. Just looking at her irritated me.

Yet, there I was, continuously being drawn into everything 90210. Well, not everything, it's not like a bought a Brenda doll after all. But I did follow all the Shannon drama printed in the tabloids and soaked up all the entertainment news for all of them. And I I even felt an ache in my heart during the high school graduation episode.

I have been without television since 2001. I have not had must see TV for years. But something happened this summer. I could feel myself being drawn to something. Every time I logged onto Yahoo, or stood in line at the grocery store, I saw the pictures and I read the articles. 90210 was coming back! I didn't realize how big that draw was until last night, at about 8:05 pm. At some point yesterday I heard or read that the new version of 90210 was premiering on CW at 8:00 pm. I didn't consciously think anything of it. Then when I was at the grocery store I automatically picked up the newest issue of US Magazine which had Shannon Doherty on the cover.

After the kids were settled, which was surprisingly early last night, I started flipping through the magazine. And I couldn't focus on anything because I kept wondering how Brenda and Kelly's characters were going to be worked into the new series. And what have they been up to the past 10 years. After about 10 minutes, I told Molly that I was going to Grandma's house for an hour or so and to call me if they needed anything. And then I rushed over to catch up with my old "friends".

And I am very happy to say, that aside from the very hunky Rob Estes, there is nothing about this show that will have me rushing over to my mother's house again. I am not sure if this means that I have outgrown it or that it was that bad but needless to say, I am no longer a 90210 junkie...... Til they bring back more of the old characters that I love to hate!

Wordless Wednesday: Are you Ready for Some Football?

Rylee enjoying her brother's football jamboree on Labor Day.