While lying in bed drifting off to sleep, I find myself thinking of you, again. Just like so many times on so many days throughout the year, but especially today. Every November 10th for the past 15 years. The thoughts I have this November 10th are different than usual though. I always think of the guy you were: the great, fun-loving, stubborn, competitive, well-rounded, super funny brother that I love so much.
This year, for some reason, my thoughts are consumed with the man you would have been. The uncle you would have been. The husband you would have been. And the amazing father you would have been.
This year I'm wondering what your trade would be, what truck you would drive, where you would be raising your family, what your house would look like, and how many times you would be here at home with us each year. I wonder if there would be family hunting trips, summer vacations, Thanksgiving dinners, and fight to the end Scrabble matches.
This year I'm wondering if you would be meeting Ronnie for opening day on Saturday, heading up to the Deerfield with Roger every spring, or fishing the Hoosac with Travis. I wonder if you would, every once in a while, have an all night poker game with all your high school buddies and if you would still be lucky like you were way back when.
This year my thoughts are somewhat selfish because I think about the brother you would be to me now. The sister-in-law I would have. The nieces and nephews I would have. And the cousins that Molly, Cody, Rylee, Josh, and Madelyn would love so much.
This year, instead of memories of who you were, I have images of who you would have been and this year, I miss that man more than ever.
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